Today is the eve of my 27th birthday.
And we're stepping back on the Infertility Roller Coaster.
My husband and I recently received word that by the end of February we will have the money to begin IVF.
I'm extremely scared! And happy! And excited about our future ahead!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Go rest high
Go Rest High on That Mountain
Vince Gill
I know your life
Vince Gill
I know your life
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain
Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son
Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing
Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son
April 10th, 2009
Our Angel Baby
May you rest in peace.
Monday, March 15, 2010
I'm sorry
I’m sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while. I have a good reason for not posting. I promised myself that 2010 would be a better year than 2009 and that I would do everything possible to ensure that I enjoyed myself this year. And posting on my blog brings emotions to me that I can’t even explain. So I stepped away for a while…But some things you just can’t run away from…
I’ve passed a few “anniversaries” within the last two months. The first being it’s been once year since we had our first IUI; the second being it’s been one year since our first ever BFP; the third being the heartbreak we were feeling this time last year when we realized I had a blighted ovum; and the fourth anniversary I would say is the worst of them all is my second EDD - 3/12/2010.
I’ve tried to keep my mind far away from these dates. But I don’t think I would consider myself “normal” if I didn’t admit to myself that these dates do bother me. And they especially bother me when I hear a co-worker is leaving because her daughter is in labor and she is a week over-due. I remember in August hearing her announce to people that she was going to be a grandmother again and I remember hearing the due date was so close to mine and I just sat in my cube and cried. Like I am now. I would give anything if that were my mother’s voice I heard with excitement that I was in labor.
We are not actively TTC and we aren’t sure we will ever have the chance to TTC with fertility medicines and procedures as it is so expensive and heartrenching. I can’t see putting down $10,000 (which we don’t have – and maybe this is why I feel this way) to not have a successful pregnancy. I just can’t put myself through it anymore.
So for now we have a week-long vacation planned in May with several other couples. We are headed to the Redneck Riviera ya’ll – Panama City Beach, FL!! Oh yes!! Although, it won’t be as beautiful as our cruise to the Caribbean last year, I am excited as we are going with some really good friends. This is our first ever trip with other couples – usually we go along as we really enjoy our alone time. :)
To any of the blogs that I follow: I hope everyone else is doing well. I’m sorry that I have not commented on your blogs in a while but as I explained about signing onto my blog just doesn’t help bring peace to my life.
"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines." ~Robert Schuller
I’ve passed a few “anniversaries” within the last two months. The first being it’s been once year since we had our first IUI; the second being it’s been one year since our first ever BFP; the third being the heartbreak we were feeling this time last year when we realized I had a blighted ovum; and the fourth anniversary I would say is the worst of them all is my second EDD - 3/12/2010.
I’ve tried to keep my mind far away from these dates. But I don’t think I would consider myself “normal” if I didn’t admit to myself that these dates do bother me. And they especially bother me when I hear a co-worker is leaving because her daughter is in labor and she is a week over-due. I remember in August hearing her announce to people that she was going to be a grandmother again and I remember hearing the due date was so close to mine and I just sat in my cube and cried. Like I am now. I would give anything if that were my mother’s voice I heard with excitement that I was in labor.
We are not actively TTC and we aren’t sure we will ever have the chance to TTC with fertility medicines and procedures as it is so expensive and heartrenching. I can’t see putting down $10,000 (which we don’t have – and maybe this is why I feel this way) to not have a successful pregnancy. I just can’t put myself through it anymore.
So for now we have a week-long vacation planned in May with several other couples. We are headed to the Redneck Riviera ya’ll – Panama City Beach, FL!! Oh yes!! Although, it won’t be as beautiful as our cruise to the Caribbean last year, I am excited as we are going with some really good friends. This is our first ever trip with other couples – usually we go along as we really enjoy our alone time. :)
To any of the blogs that I follow: I hope everyone else is doing well. I’m sorry that I have not commented on your blogs in a while but as I explained about signing onto my blog just doesn’t help bring peace to my life.
"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines." ~Robert Schuller
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Those Damn Hormones
They get me every time!
Yesterday I found myself extremely emotional. I had random moments of tears and cries and then I went to the bathroom. The witch had arrived! Thank you Lord!! For 5 months now I haven't had to take progesterone once for AF to arrive...I think that is pretty awesome considering I am PCOS and before we started with my RE I was having 60+ day cycles and wouldn’t start a new one without the help of progesterone.
I never did hear from my RE yesterday. I'm okay with that considering we can't move to IVF any time soon. For now we will try on our own and hope for the best.
On Thursday evening I have a baby shower to go to. I’m so excited to go to this baby shower as this shower is being thrown for a fellow IF’er who tried for almost four years to get pregnant. For religious reasons she and her H decided not to pursue fertility treatment and decided to adopt. On a wonderful October day while still working on their home study they received a call from a family member about a young woman who was thinking of putting her unborn baby girl up for adoption. They were encouraged to send their profile to the young lady. The young lady sat down with all of the profiles to review and her very first one happened to be L and her H’s. She wouldn’t look at another one, she found the adoptive parents in them. Little Allie was born on Friday, January 12th. I cannot wait to celebrate with L and little Allie on Thursday. It is truly a blessing.
Yesterday I found myself extremely emotional. I had random moments of tears and cries and then I went to the bathroom. The witch had arrived! Thank you Lord!! For 5 months now I haven't had to take progesterone once for AF to arrive...I think that is pretty awesome considering I am PCOS and before we started with my RE I was having 60+ day cycles and wouldn’t start a new one without the help of progesterone.
I never did hear from my RE yesterday. I'm okay with that considering we can't move to IVF any time soon. For now we will try on our own and hope for the best.
On Thursday evening I have a baby shower to go to. I’m so excited to go to this baby shower as this shower is being thrown for a fellow IF’er who tried for almost four years to get pregnant. For religious reasons she and her H decided not to pursue fertility treatment and decided to adopt. On a wonderful October day while still working on their home study they received a call from a family member about a young woman who was thinking of putting her unborn baby girl up for adoption. They were encouraged to send their profile to the young lady. The young lady sat down with all of the profiles to review and her very first one happened to be L and her H’s. She wouldn’t look at another one, she found the adoptive parents in them. Little Allie was born on Friday, January 12th. I cannot wait to celebrate with L and little Allie on Thursday. It is truly a blessing.
Monday, January 11, 2010
I’m going to give you the short version of the past week as I really could go on a rant…
My RE and I spoke last Monday and he wants us to move onto IVF for several reasons. He understands we don’t have IVF insurance and just don’t have the money to afford IVF. He said he would contact his business office to see what they could do about discounting an IVF cycle for us and to call back on Friday to go over the details and to get a prescription for progesterone if AF had not shown up by Friday.
So, I wait all week…I pray and I hope they are able to reduce the cost to something reasonable. My H is getting the largest bonus possible at the end of this month for his December sales and combined with our tax return I hope we are close to the cost and we would then figure out how to get the rest of the money.
I called on Friday. He wasn't in the office due to the weather. (Okay, so I live in Georgia, we hardly have snow but Thursday night we got maybe quarter of an inch combined with ice.) So I have to wait until Monday to speak with my RE.
Fast forward to Saturday afternoon…My H and I have a date night planned of dinner and shopping at the mall to use a couple of gift cards. We stop on our way out and pick up the mail. I open an envelope from my RE’s business office. And I see that it is forms for IVF along with a schedule of fees. I cried. It wasn’t at all what I had in mind. What they consider a discount is a slap in the face.
I was angry. Angry that my doctor allowed them to send out this paperwork and not even speak to me first. Angry that I wasn’t forewarned. Angry that I let me hopes get so high. Angry that even though my RE couldn't come into the office due to the weather that he then didn't know how to pick up the phone. Angry that this is where we are at.
And I am still angry. Angry, sad, mad that IF has taken my happy life and turned it upside down. I hate you IF!
We may be at the end of our TTC road and I honestly don't know what to think.
My RE and I spoke last Monday and he wants us to move onto IVF for several reasons. He understands we don’t have IVF insurance and just don’t have the money to afford IVF. He said he would contact his business office to see what they could do about discounting an IVF cycle for us and to call back on Friday to go over the details and to get a prescription for progesterone if AF had not shown up by Friday.
So, I wait all week…I pray and I hope they are able to reduce the cost to something reasonable. My H is getting the largest bonus possible at the end of this month for his December sales and combined with our tax return I hope we are close to the cost and we would then figure out how to get the rest of the money.
I called on Friday. He wasn't in the office due to the weather. (Okay, so I live in Georgia, we hardly have snow but Thursday night we got maybe quarter of an inch combined with ice.) So I have to wait until Monday to speak with my RE.
Fast forward to Saturday afternoon…My H and I have a date night planned of dinner and shopping at the mall to use a couple of gift cards. We stop on our way out and pick up the mail. I open an envelope from my RE’s business office. And I see that it is forms for IVF along with a schedule of fees. I cried. It wasn’t at all what I had in mind. What they consider a discount is a slap in the face.
I was angry. Angry that my doctor allowed them to send out this paperwork and not even speak to me first. Angry that I wasn’t forewarned. Angry that I let me hopes get so high. Angry that even though my RE couldn't come into the office due to the weather that he then didn't know how to pick up the phone. Angry that this is where we are at.
And I am still angry. Angry, sad, mad that IF has taken my happy life and turned it upside down. I hate you IF!
We may be at the end of our TTC road and I honestly don't know what to think.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Hello? AF?
Today is Cycle Day 30. And no signs whatsoever. My previous 5 cycles were all 28 days or less. So where are you? I'm not sure if I mentioned before but on CD 2 I stopped taking Metformin as I wanted a break and it really is expensive. Could it be that the Metformin was actually working and I didn't even know it?
My RE called me on the 23rd but I didn't know the number so I didn't answer. He asked for me to call after the holidays so that we could go over our next plan. At the time I wasn't ready to hear what he said. I wanted to get through the holidays and not think about what went so wrong in 2009.
I'm now ready to hear what he has to say. I'm ready for AF to come. As soon as she does I will start taking the Metformin again. I will call my RE's office on Monday to speak with him. I also plan on calling the business office on Monday to find out if we overstim again how much is the cost to convert to IVF. I'm interested to hear if the cost is lower.
On Friday, my H and I went to Target and we wound up looking at the Christmas clearance decorations (of course :) While I was looking I found one of the stockings that matched the new ones I bought for Christmas...I couldn't help but buy it as I have this feeling we will need that extra stocking next year. :)
I'm ready for an awesome 2010!!
My RE called me on the 23rd but I didn't know the number so I didn't answer. He asked for me to call after the holidays so that we could go over our next plan. At the time I wasn't ready to hear what he said. I wanted to get through the holidays and not think about what went so wrong in 2009.
I'm now ready to hear what he has to say. I'm ready for AF to come. As soon as she does I will start taking the Metformin again. I will call my RE's office on Monday to speak with him. I also plan on calling the business office on Monday to find out if we overstim again how much is the cost to convert to IVF. I'm interested to hear if the cost is lower.
On Friday, my H and I went to Target and we wound up looking at the Christmas clearance decorations (of course :) While I was looking I found one of the stockings that matched the new ones I bought for Christmas...I couldn't help but buy it as I have this feeling we will need that extra stocking next year. :)
I'm ready for an awesome 2010!!
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