The feeling that we're broken...

I know that it has been a while since I've been here. Right now we're in the process of having my thyroid issues checked out. Since our last appointment with the RE I've seen an endocrinologist. I had blood drawn and she said that my levels were so high that it shows I have severe hyperthyroidism. I then had an up-take scan done which shows that I have a hot spot. My doctors belief after the blood work showed the anti-bodies were extremely high that I have Graves disease. Her belief and what the up-take scan showed are two different things. She has put me on PTU which I take two pills twice a day. She also wants me to go have an ultrasound on my thyroid, this will hopefully diagnose exactly what the problem is. She gave me three different scenarios once we've reached this point. 1) The medicine cures the hyperthyroidism and puts me into remission. 2) Have it removed. 3) Drink iodine and I am unable to become pregnant for 6 months to a year. I'll tell you right now the third option will not be an option. I am hoping for option number 1 to be successful!!

My DH had another SA done at the beginning of December. When his results came back the numbers were half what first SA reported. Our RE wants him to see a urologist. The great thing about this practice is they have a urologist on staff who was coming to the office we go to that week. The doctor told him that it looked good, he is still producing sperm but a lot of them were deformed. He has to have an ultrasound as well. My DH didn't present any worries about the appointment - which surprised me when he told me on Saturday that before his appointment he googled what the doctor would be doing on his first visit! It was hilarious! He could explain everything to me...

My RE has put me on birth control for a couple of months to get my cycles back on track. I thought I started my period late December 3rd which would have been right on track. It wasn't spotting, it was normal period bleeding. DH and I had sex that night. I woke up the next morning and I didn't have a single spec of blood on my tampon. I started my second pack of birth control on December 8th and I didn't start my period until that night. I don't know what is going on with my cycles but this is annoying! If this were a true TTC month I would of been praying for two pink lines...

I feel as if I've handled everything pretty well since we've started TTC. I haven't had any nervous break downs, I haven't cried when AF arrives each cycle and I haven't felt any pain when someone else announces they are pregnant. I did have my first emotional moment last week. My DH's brother and wife have two kids and his step-sister has two kids as well. All of them are girls. The youngest just turned six months and his brother and wife are already talking about trying for a third. They really want a boy. My husband was talking to his Mom who said they just traded in there truck for a van so that they could fit all of the grandchildren in one car when they have them all. My eyes immediately filled with tears and my brain said "If they have a third child before we become pregnant, the van won't have any room for our child." I don't know why this was my immediate reaction but it really impacted me as then I was too upset to get off the couch and cook dinner. I don't want to have these feelings but I do have to realize that I may have many more of these moments to come and I need to brace myself.

We don't see the RE again until January 20th, 2009. For now, all we can do is pray when we go back to the RE that we are able to move forward and start some type of treatment plan...