Monday, May 9, 2011
Beta is Negative.
Nothing more I can say really. $15,000 down the drain. Excuse me while I throw up.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Lots to catch up on
Sorry I haven't updated lately. (although I don't think anyone is actually reading my blog)
We got the call last Tuesday that we had 23 eggs retrieved, 20 mature and that 9 fertilized. My doctor said they would keep an eye on the rest to see if they would fertilize as well. Well, jump to Wednesday we were sitting around waiting on the phone call if we were supposed to head for a 3dt or not. Finally got the call that things looked good and we were to hold off for a 5dt on Saturday.
On Saturday H and I went to Panera on our way to the ET. I was a freaking ball of nerves! So when we arrive we spoke with the embryologist and he showed us 2 beautiful blasts and advised we should transfer two. He told us the embryos could be shown in a text book! Well, back to my last post about how many we want to transfer. H and I had a long talk and felt although Dr. S recommends only transferring 1, we really felt like we wanted to transfer two as this will be our only shot at IVF. So when the doctor arrived, not my doctor, we informed her of our wishes and she had no problem with transferring two. So on 4/30/11 we transferred two awesome looking embryos!
They were able to freeze two embryos on day 5 and one embryo on day 6. So we have a total of 3 frozen.
So here I am 6dp5dt and it's my third day of testing and still a BFN. Yesterday was an extremely hard and emotional day for me. I cried about 50% of the day. All excitement I had on the day of ER has been lost. I can't seem to find it anywhere. I am SO SCARED! Actually, I am crying as I write this post. I am so afraid that I am letting so many people down. Most importantly, my husband. I fully realize I am not out of the race but with two perfect embryos I fully had my heart set on twins and just knew I'd have a positive by now. As Mother's Day approaches I keep thinking about this day and wonder how I am going to wake up that morning with the possibility of knowing I will never be a mother. I will never get to share this day with children of my own. I am 27 years old and the final decision for us to have children is staring me in the face.
I am so sorry to turn this post into something very negative but it helps to write this out. I share my feelings with DH and tell him that being home alone during the day makes me feel very alone. But I know he doesn't understand. Hell, I don't even understand why I am having these feelings right now. I just pray that god will watch over us and help us heal no matter what the final outcome is.
We got the call last Tuesday that we had 23 eggs retrieved, 20 mature and that 9 fertilized. My doctor said they would keep an eye on the rest to see if they would fertilize as well. Well, jump to Wednesday we were sitting around waiting on the phone call if we were supposed to head for a 3dt or not. Finally got the call that things looked good and we were to hold off for a 5dt on Saturday.
On Saturday H and I went to Panera on our way to the ET. I was a freaking ball of nerves! So when we arrive we spoke with the embryologist and he showed us 2 beautiful blasts and advised we should transfer two. He told us the embryos could be shown in a text book! Well, back to my last post about how many we want to transfer. H and I had a long talk and felt although Dr. S recommends only transferring 1, we really felt like we wanted to transfer two as this will be our only shot at IVF. So when the doctor arrived, not my doctor, we informed her of our wishes and she had no problem with transferring two. So on 4/30/11 we transferred two awesome looking embryos!
They were able to freeze two embryos on day 5 and one embryo on day 6. So we have a total of 3 frozen.
So here I am 6dp5dt and it's my third day of testing and still a BFN. Yesterday was an extremely hard and emotional day for me. I cried about 50% of the day. All excitement I had on the day of ER has been lost. I can't seem to find it anywhere. I am SO SCARED! Actually, I am crying as I write this post. I am so afraid that I am letting so many people down. Most importantly, my husband. I fully realize I am not out of the race but with two perfect embryos I fully had my heart set on twins and just knew I'd have a positive by now. As Mother's Day approaches I keep thinking about this day and wonder how I am going to wake up that morning with the possibility of knowing I will never be a mother. I will never get to share this day with children of my own. I am 27 years old and the final decision for us to have children is staring me in the face.
I am so sorry to turn this post into something very negative but it helps to write this out. I share my feelings with DH and tell him that being home alone during the day makes me feel very alone. But I know he doesn't understand. Hell, I don't even understand why I am having these feelings right now. I just pray that god will watch over us and help us heal no matter what the final outcome is.
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