I started but unknown territory.

Hallelujah! I started my period on Sunday. This has been one of the worst periods on my life. I’ve never had cramps or a flow like this one. **TMI ALERT** I haven’t been able to take a shower without trying to get out and have blood running down my legs. I feel like an old grandma because I have to wear one of the biggest pads I’ve seen in my life. A tampon just won’t cut it. Never in my life have I experienced this sort of emotion and it’s such an unknown territory. I thought I would be so excited for my period to return. I never thought I would be down in the dumps. But experiencing one of the many happenings of ending a pregnancy hit me link a ton of bricks.

Hopefully I’ll be over this once my period ends…it will be such a relief not wearing a diaper.

Today is CD3 - I have my ultrasound tomorrow.

Anxious

I'm getting extremely anxious. I really want my period to start NOW. Not tomorrow, not next week - NOW!! It's hard to control this feeling. It mostly happens when my husband and I see our nieces or out in public and see a child and we watch them along with making comments and giggle at them. The worst part that seems to hit me right in my stomach is signing onto Myspace or Facebook and seeing these statuses:

This is a status from my hairdresser:

"Had a great day with my hubby and sweet baby gurl! Can't believe our first anniversary is this weekend!"

Note: She was married in May 2008 and got pregnant just a few short months afterwards.

This status is from one of my best friends since high school:

"has a very active baby this morning!"

My friend is in her 20th week - they tried for over a year and a half to get pregnant and I'm very excited for them. When we thought we were pregnant they were so happy and excited for us - it actually allowed me to be excited because we were going to share our pregnancies together.

Everyone around me is getting to experience these moments but us. I want these moments. I want that feeling that I'll be needed for the rest of my life. I want to show my children exactly what my mother showed my brother and I - unconditional love.

30 Day Shred

I had a break down on the cruise because a dress a bought a couple of months back that fit me perfectly wouldn't zip-up. I looked forward to wearing this dress - I bought the perfect jewlery and shoes to go with this dress and not even my spanx was getting me in this dress. I felt so defeated.

I purchased Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD yesterday from Amazon. I should have it by Monday or Tuesday. I've heard nothing but great stuff about this work-out and best of all each session is less than 30 minutes. That is exactly what I need!

I'm ready to get my butt kicked.

Back to reality...boo!

Sorry it’s taken me so long to update. The week before we left for our cruise was a busy one! I had so many things to do before we left – I felt so stressed to get it all done, especially everything at work. Since we’ve gotten back its back to reality…I believe you always need a vacation from your vacation. It’s been hard getting back into the swing of things. I have at least cooked two nights this week! Go me!

The cruise was amazing! We had a blast! Our cruise left out of Miami on Sunday but we left on Friday after work and drove to Valdosta. We then got up on Saturday, enjoyed breakfast at Shoneys and then finished our trip to Miami. Everyone thinks we are crazy for making the 12 hour trip by car. Well, my husband was diagnosed a couple of months ago with two blood clots in his right leg resulting in two trips to the ER. A month before our cruise he went for a follow-up ultrasound and they noticed that one of the clots had moved into his deep vein and had moved into his thigh. The other clot moved behind his knee and was causing him tremendous pain. They put him on blood thinners and pain meds and sent him home. They told him that if he were to fly he’d need to be up and walking around the entire time we were up in the air. Well, since this is impossible we chose to drive and just stop every few hours and let him walk around.

We traveled to San Juan, St Thomas and St Maarten. All of which are amazing. Our favorite stop was St Maarten – we did a catamaran ride which had two stops - one to snorkel; and then to the beach. It was amazingly beautiful! I’ll post some pictures later as I’m posting via email.

On to the TTC part of our life…Nothing exciting at the moment.

I started taking progesterone on Tuesday. I have 4 more days to go. Every other time I’ve taken progesterone I’ve started my period two weeks to the day of starting the pills. Hopefully, this time will be the same. This will put me starting my cycle on May 19^th and hopefully IUI # 2 between June 2^nd and 5^th. So this is the plan for now…