I’m sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while. I have a good reason for not posting. I promised myself that 2010 would be a better year than 2009 and that I would do everything possible to ensure that I enjoyed myself this year. And posting on my blog brings emotions to me that I can’t even explain. So I stepped away for a while…But some things you just can’t run away from…
I’ve passed a few “anniversaries” within the last two months. The first being it’s been once year since we had our first IUI; the second being it’s been one year since our first ever BFP; the third being the heartbreak we were feeling this time last year when we realized I had a blighted ovum; and the fourth anniversary I would say is the worst of them all is my second EDD - 3/12/2010.
I’ve tried to keep my mind far away from these dates. But I don’t think I would consider myself “normal” if I didn’t admit to myself that these dates do bother me. And they especially bother me when I hear a co-worker is leaving because her daughter is in labor and she is a week over-due. I remember in August hearing her announce to people that she was going to be a grandmother again and I remember hearing the due date was so close to mine and I just sat in my cube and cried. Like I am now. I would give anything if that were my mother’s voice I heard with excitement that I was in labor.
We are not actively TTC and we aren’t sure we will ever have the chance to TTC with fertility medicines and procedures as it is so expensive and heartrenching. I can’t see putting down $10,000 (which we don’t have – and maybe this is why I feel this way) to not have a successful pregnancy. I just can’t put myself through it anymore.
So for now we have a week-long vacation planned in May with several other couples. We are headed to the Redneck Riviera ya’ll – Panama City Beach, FL!! Oh yes!! Although, it won’t be as beautiful as our cruise to the Caribbean last year, I am excited as we are going with some really good friends. This is our first ever trip with other couples – usually we go along as we really enjoy our alone time. :)
To any of the blogs that I follow: I hope everyone else is doing well. I’m sorry that I have not commented on your blogs in a while but as I explained about signing onto my blog just doesn’t help bring peace to my life.
"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines." ~Robert Schuller
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About Us
Our TTC Timeline
October 2007 - Stop taking BCP November 17, 2007 - Married! January 2008 - Start TTC March 2008 - Went to OB/GYN for cyst on my ovary and no AF, meds fixed issue for time being. October 2008 - Decided to call OBGYN about TTC they immediately referred me to an RE October 2008 - First appointment with RE October 2008 - Diagnosed with PCOS & Hyperthyroidism October 2008 - First SA for DH, 21 mil November 2008 - First appointment with Endocrinologist November & December 2008 – Many appointments for Thyroid, diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism and Graves disease, put on PTU December 2008 - Second SA for DH, numbers are half of first SA December 2008 - DH first appointment with Urologist January 2009 - DH has 3rd SA, blood work and ultrasound with Urologist, 21.5 mil and diagnosed with varicocele February 2009 – IUI # 1 with 50 mg Clomid, 1 mg Estrace and 1500 mg Metformin February 19, 2009 – IUI # 1 done! 5 follies, 3 or 4 mature February 25, 2009 – Progesterone level at 36! March 2009 – BFP and bleeding, low beta starting at 10 and didn’t continue to double with 3rd beta, diagnosed blighted ovum after several ultrasounds showed an empty sac April 2009 – D&C May 2009 - Progesterone to start cycle May 2009 - IUI # 2 with 100 mg Clomid and 1500 mg Metformin June 11, 2009 – IUI #2 done! 5 follies, 3 mature June 23, 2009 – BFP! Late June/July 2009 – Low betas starting at 9 that doubled for a couple of weeks then only raised slowly, bleeding at 6 weeks and continued for 15 days, diagnosed ectopic, D&C and laparoscopy to remove ectopic pregnancy and lost right tube. IVF now recommended for best chance. September 14, 2009 – AF Arrives, Start of IUI #3! 100 mg Clomid, 1 mg Estrace and 1500 mg Metformin September 22, 2009 – HSG, Left tube all clear! October 1, 2009 – IUI #3 done! October 14, 2009 – 13dpIUI and AF arrives, On to IUI # 4! Oh lucky number 4 please be the one!! 100 mg Clomid, 1 mg Estrace and 1500 mg Metformin October 28 & 29, 2009 - IUI #4 done! November 12, 2009 - AF arrives, on to IUI #5 with new protocol!! 100 iu's Follistim, 1500 mg Metformin and hCG trigger November 25/26, 2009 - B2B IUI done! 17+ follies December 4, 2009 - AF arrived early December 2009 - February 2011 - LONG break waiting for $$ to do IVF February 18, 2011 - IVF Consult April 2011 - IVF
Glossary of Crazy TTC Acronyms
BCP = Birth Control Pills Beta = Blood test for HcG (pregnancy hormone) BFN = Big Fat Negative (on HPT) BFP = Big Fat Positive (i.e. PREGNANT!) CBEFM = Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor CM = Cervical mucus DH = Dear Husband...or Damn Husband. ER = Egg Retrieval (part of IVF) ET = Embryo Transfer (last step of IVF) FET = Frozen Embryo Transfer Follies = Follicles or Eggs HPT = Home Pregnancy Test HSG = x-ray of Uterus and Fallopian tubes done by inserting dye through the cervix. IF = Infertility Injectibles = see "Stims" IUI = Intrauterine Insemination IVF = In Vitro Fertilization OHSS = Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit PCOS = Polycystic Ovary Syndrome PIO = Progersterone in Oil POAS = Pee on a stick (i.e. taking a HPT) PTU = Thyroid medication RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist SA = Semen Analysis Stims = follicle stimulating drugs TTC = Trying to Conceive TTTC = Trouble Trying to Conceive
3 comments:
Totally understandable - do what you need to do, sweetie. I'm sorry for all the different milestones that have passed, and am glad you are taking some time to grieve that while also seeking to enjoy life. Have a wonderful vacation - a couples trip sounds fun!
Do whatever it takes to heal your heart! Have fun in May!
I wanted to let you know that I found your blog last year as my husband and I began our TTC journey. From reading your blog, I think we have the same doctor at RBA. For us, IUI wasn't even an option so we had to go straight to IVF. Our first cycle in November (fresh) failed and we were devestated. However, we just completed our frozen cycle and I am about 6 weeks pregnant. Don't give up hope!! The only thing different that I did between cycles was someone told me to do acupuncture and I did. Who knows if that really helped or not.
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