Do you remember the song Ironic by Alanis Morissette? Well, that is my life. Last week I had a ton of hope that things were turning around for us. Who would produce 17 + follicles and not get pregnant? Last week I had sore bb’s, tired all of the time and Thursday night I woke up at 2 AM extremely nauseous. Against my better judgment on Friday I ran to Wal-mart on my lunch break and grabbed a box of 3 tests so that I’d have enough to use within the next week. I got back and ran to the bathroom, opened the test up and went to use it when low and behold what did I notice?
Blood. FML.
How ironic is it that when I go to test that little witch showed her ugly face. I had to leave work. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t believe this is MY LIFE. This is what I am dealing with. Since my first beta experience on March 4th, 2009 my life has turned into nothing but bad news. In one years time I’ve produced 30 + follies and I have nothing to show for it but medical bills, a lot more pain and sadness, one less tube and empty arms.
I am dreading the call that I need to make today. The call to tell my RE’s office that I am not pregnant and that AF showed up way too early. The call I dread even more is the return call from my RE. The call where he will tell me that he is sorry. 10,000 apologies will not help me. It’s not his fault.
Right now we plan on taking a break. We’re not even sure how long as before we could even think of using our last IUI we have to save up money for our deductible that goes up next year. And honestly I’m not even sure the time and money we’d spend on another IUI cycle would be worth it. Deep in my heart I believe that IVF is our next path. And unless we sell my grandmother’s house we can throw that out of the window. I’ve also decided to stop taking metformin for the time being as it is the most expensive drug I take on a daily basis. My goal for myself is to try and enjoy Christmas and New Years and plan for a fantastic 2010!!
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(((HUGS)))) Soungs like a good plan: My goal for myself is to try and enjoy Christmas and New Years and plan for a fantastic 2010!!
I am so, so sorry. It just sucks, I know.
I hope you do enjoy the holidays and get some rest in your spirit. *hugs*
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