I can’t seem to cool down this burning desire. This desire that I want a child for us so badly. This desire that tends to creep into my life every second of every day.
This desire knocked me across the head on Saturday at my friends baby shower. I had several moments where I felt tears well up in my eyes. Not only was my friend pregnant but another one of her guests was as well. To top it all off myself and my friends younger sister were the only ones who hasn’t been pregnant or had a child. I realize that I was at a baby shower – I realize that children were going to be the topic of discussion – but I guess I thought they would play games, eat, open presents and be done with it. I didn’t realize that the shower would be so small that it would break into everyone else’s pregnancy/labor stories. I sat quietly. I felt like any advice or input I had didn’t count. My experiences all belonged in the categories of Infertility, IUIs, Blighted Ovum, D&C’s, Ectopic Pregnancy and Laparoscopic surgery – nothing that would keep the shower in an upbeat spirit. And any input I would have was only second hand – and who really wants second hand advice?
As my husband and I were driving to dinner on Saturday we were discussing my friend and how miserable she feels and that I’ve heard that is common in the third trimester. I told him that I’m tired of hearing and reading about pregnancy and having a child – I just want to experience it firsthand.
We’ve decided we’re ready to move along with our journey. We’ve decided we want to try another IUI. I understand the risks and am willing to deal with that if by some chance we get to that point. I’ve asked my DH to call our doctor this week and see if he will okay performing another IUI in the near future. With my H working from home and his work truck it is much easier for him to have this sort of conversation than me sitting in my cube. I do realize my doctor may have an issue as he didn’t get to see my left tube. I also will probably have a larger chance of the cycle being cancelled as I tend to create a lot of mature follicles. I just hope if we get to it I don’t temporarily crazy during this 2ww as well and spend $40+ in HPTs.
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About Us
Our TTC Timeline
October 2007 - Stop taking BCP November 17, 2007 - Married! January 2008 - Start TTC March 2008 - Went to OB/GYN for cyst on my ovary and no AF, meds fixed issue for time being. October 2008 - Decided to call OBGYN about TTC they immediately referred me to an RE October 2008 - First appointment with RE October 2008 - Diagnosed with PCOS & Hyperthyroidism October 2008 - First SA for DH, 21 mil November 2008 - First appointment with Endocrinologist November & December 2008 – Many appointments for Thyroid, diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism and Graves disease, put on PTU December 2008 - Second SA for DH, numbers are half of first SA December 2008 - DH first appointment with Urologist January 2009 - DH has 3rd SA, blood work and ultrasound with Urologist, 21.5 mil and diagnosed with varicocele February 2009 – IUI # 1 with 50 mg Clomid, 1 mg Estrace and 1500 mg Metformin February 19, 2009 – IUI # 1 done! 5 follies, 3 or 4 mature February 25, 2009 – Progesterone level at 36! March 2009 – BFP and bleeding, low beta starting at 10 and didn’t continue to double with 3rd beta, diagnosed blighted ovum after several ultrasounds showed an empty sac April 2009 – D&C May 2009 - Progesterone to start cycle May 2009 - IUI # 2 with 100 mg Clomid and 1500 mg Metformin June 11, 2009 – IUI #2 done! 5 follies, 3 mature June 23, 2009 – BFP! Late June/July 2009 – Low betas starting at 9 that doubled for a couple of weeks then only raised slowly, bleeding at 6 weeks and continued for 15 days, diagnosed ectopic, D&C and laparoscopy to remove ectopic pregnancy and lost right tube. IVF now recommended for best chance. September 14, 2009 – AF Arrives, Start of IUI #3! 100 mg Clomid, 1 mg Estrace and 1500 mg Metformin September 22, 2009 – HSG, Left tube all clear! October 1, 2009 – IUI #3 done! October 14, 2009 – 13dpIUI and AF arrives, On to IUI # 4! Oh lucky number 4 please be the one!! 100 mg Clomid, 1 mg Estrace and 1500 mg Metformin October 28 & 29, 2009 - IUI #4 done! November 12, 2009 - AF arrives, on to IUI #5 with new protocol!! 100 iu's Follistim, 1500 mg Metformin and hCG trigger November 25/26, 2009 - B2B IUI done! 17+ follies December 4, 2009 - AF arrived early December 2009 - February 2011 - LONG break waiting for $$ to do IVF February 18, 2011 - IVF Consult April 2011 - IVF
Glossary of Crazy TTC Acronyms
BCP = Birth Control Pills Beta = Blood test for HcG (pregnancy hormone) BFN = Big Fat Negative (on HPT) BFP = Big Fat Positive (i.e. PREGNANT!) CBEFM = Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor CM = Cervical mucus DH = Dear Husband...or Damn Husband. ER = Egg Retrieval (part of IVF) ET = Embryo Transfer (last step of IVF) FET = Frozen Embryo Transfer Follies = Follicles or Eggs HPT = Home Pregnancy Test HSG = x-ray of Uterus and Fallopian tubes done by inserting dye through the cervix. IF = Infertility Injectibles = see "Stims" IUI = Intrauterine Insemination IVF = In Vitro Fertilization OHSS = Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit PCOS = Polycystic Ovary Syndrome PIO = Progersterone in Oil POAS = Pee on a stick (i.e. taking a HPT) PTU = Thyroid medication RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist SA = Semen Analysis Stims = follicle stimulating drugs TTC = Trying to Conceive TTTC = Trouble Trying to Conceive
1 comments:
I very well know and understand that burning desire you have. I have it too!
Glad to hear you've decided to move forward. I hope you desire becomes a reality VERY SOON!
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