It more that doubled!!

Today's beta number is 88! Yeah!! We've hit a milestone. Last time we didn't double with the third beta. So right now I am smiling. I pray that everything goes well with the 4th beta on Thursday so that my arm can stop looking like a war zone.

We decided now it is okay to tell both of our parents. They both knew we did the IUI earlier this month. My husband actually called his mom this afternoon and told her. I got an email and the subject line was "I love you," the email was in all caps and said "CAN YOU TELL I’M EXCITED???? I’M SO HAPPY AND I’LL KEEP PRAYING THAT ALL GOES WELL!!!" My MIL cracks me up - it is too sweet! I'm going to call my mom on my way home from work. We would do something more special for the grandparents but I really don't want to do a big production and something happen.

17.8 is todays level.
Doubling time of 48.79.
This just doesn't sound good.
My husband keeping telling me to have hope but really - who has heard of someone having a good pregnancy with such low numbers?

9

I have nothing to say. This is depressing.

RE's office never called.

I'm somewhat peeved at my RE's office. Both nurses told me yesterday when they drew my blood that they get the results back between 2 and 4. So I waited, and waited, and waited and never heard from them. They open at 8 AM so you can bet I'll be calling them on the dot.

I'm not expecting a high beta number since the lines on the test are so light. I did have some very small spotting and light cramps last night. The spotting was a rusty color and it was very, very minimal. The cramping was light and only lasted about 10 minutes or so.

I really hope they have a good explanation as to why they didn't call me yesterday. It was very stressful and I don't appreciate it.

Going to get this figured out.

I'm getting this shit figured out once and for all. Beta is scheduled tomorrow at 8 AM. These tests where some have a very light line and some don't are pissing me off. I should know something tomorrow afternoon

I think I'm knocked up.

On two tests yesterday I had very, very light lines. I took one this morning and the line was a little darker. Darker to the point where I didn't have to turn the test, you could look at this one and the line was light but it was there. I haven't told DH yet...I actually made him hide my extra test on Sunday thinking I could hold out until Thursday. The walmart down the street from work is just too easy to go on my lunch break. Do you think he'll be mad that I went and bought more?

Sorry if I don't make sense...I'm really shaking right now.

**Who knows? I took a second test about two hours later after drinking half of a 32oz gatorade and it didn't show anything? Could I have gotten a false positive?

New low.

I POAS during lunch and I think I see a second line that is very, very, very light. I’m thinking about POAS again later this afternoon. Sigh. This is seriously a new low. If this cycle doesn’t work I think I want to take a break. The first time around was so much easier.

Antsy.

I on day 6 past IUI and I’m feeling very anxious. I didn’t really notice any cervical mucus last week but yesterday and today I’ve had very creamy white cervical mucus. I didn’t experience this after my first IUI so it made me think. Maybe I didn’t ovulate last week. Maybe I’m about to O really soon. I decided to test out my trigger and take an OPK. OPK turned out negative and so did the HPT. Trigger is out of my system. I noticed this morning that I had some more so when I got back to my desk I decided to visit my best friend google. (Sometimes google can be the devil.) I typed in “Cervical mucus after ovulation” and the first website that came up was www.thelaboroflove.com so I clicked on it and in the article it brought up I read this…

“Around the time of implantation many women experience a sudden increase in cervical fluid again and there even may be some pink or brownish tint to some of the cervical mucus. This is thought to be a bit of blood that is caused by the implantation of the egg in the lining of the uterus. After this initial increase in cervical mucus and a slight tint pink the experience of each woman varies widely.”

This really put me at ease. Of course, this is the only article I can find that states this. Most state just spotting as a sign of implantation. I’ll most likely start testing on Sunday.

And let the 2ww begin!

IUI # 2 took place yesterday and I’m officially in the 2 week wait. My doctor didn’t get to do the insemination this time as I believe he is on vacation so I had another doctor in the practice. I really liked her and she was actually very funny. When the nurse brought us back and went over all of the numbers of my DH’s count. I don’t remember everything exactly as she wasn’t very personable and ran though it very quickly. We had 16 million post wash which is 5 million more than we had last time. The insemination took less than 5 minutes but this time it hurt more than I remembered the first one hurting. I wasn’t doubled over in pain but it was more like a shocking pain. The doctor recommended having sex the morning and night after. DH was excited about this of course – he even tried to get the doctor to say that we needed to have sex during lunch that day as well. She didn’t bite but played a long with him and joked. It made for a very comfortable experience with a doctor I’ve never met.

I decided to take the day off from work unlike last time. I am glad I made this decision since I had more cramps this time and a little bit of bleeding. The cramps actually lasted all day and I even went to bed feeling crampy. I tried to spend the rest of the day on the couch resting. I did make a delicious dinner that ended the day just wonderfully. I took Anne Burrell’s recipe from the Food Network’s Braised Beef Short Ribs recipe and reduced it to 4 people. I really surprised myself with how well they looked and tasted. I thought it was going to be hard but it wasn’t - just time consuming.

So now I’m here just waiting. I plan on buying $ tree cheapies to test out the trigger. With the last IUI I wiped out the $ tree of their cheapie tests and DH made fun of me. What can I say – I’m obsessed and at least this gives me something to do every day until I know something. I am absolutely not the type who won’t test. Here’s hoping!!

IUI # 2 here we come!

I have 5 follies – 3 are mature enough right now to release eggs. 1.2, 1.2, 1.5, 1.8 and 2.0 Nurse J walked in with a big smile and asked "Ready to have multiples?" HAHA! You should have seen my DH's face. He said, "Well, at least we'd get a reality show." LOL!! She explained that we have 3 that are ready and that since I'm triggering tonight and won't have the IUI until Thursday that the 1.2's could be mature by the time we get there. So the chance of us getting pregnant is great, the chance of us having twins is likely and the chance of us having more than twins is 5%. She did bring up if multiples did occur that they may want to talk to me about selective reduction – which I completely understand and hope they would want to talk to me about this especially if they think that I me or any of the babies were in danger.

I'm really excited that we're at this step again and I'm very hopeful that this will work. You know what will be cool? I will be 10 dpIUI on Fathers day. My plan will be to test on day 10 and hope I'll see too linmes. I think it would be completely awesome to give my DH a little something special that day. Last time I gave him the onesie I had stored away. I'll have to come up with something else this time.

My appointment went okay…

I have 2 follies – one at 1.2 and the other at 1.3. My lining is also not as thick as they would like to see. I didn’t see Nurse J today as she wasn’t in yet so I saw Nurse T and she explained that I’m not quite where they want me to be and she is confident that Dr S will want me to continue taking the Estrace, continue LH monitoring, and come back on Tuesday for another check. I’m waiting on Nurse J to call and confirm this plan. It seems like things are progressing just like my last cycle – let’s hope that this cycle is as successful.

Nurse T did say that for people who don’t ovulate on their own having 1 follicle is good and that having 2 is even better. This made me feel better because to be honest, I was hoping they would have been 1.4 to 1.5.

CD 12

Today is the start of CD 12 and I’m feeling extremely anxious. I’m supposed to start using OPK’s today but I’ll admit I started them on CD 10 because I’m always so afraid of missing an O even though I know I don’t normally O on my own. I’ve noticed a vast difference with taking 100 mg of clomid instead of 50. I probably have double the amount of CM than I’ve ever had. I had a taste of the clomid crazies several times this week. They aren’t pretty. Every day this week I’ve left my job hating it - every single aspect of it. I’m not sure if it is really my job that I hate or if the clomid is making me feel this way. This week things that have been said, not said and actions taken have not settled well with me. I have a melt down in my car every afternoon. I hope next week is a better week. I don’t like this feeling this way.

Tomorrow is my mid-cycle ultrasound and I am excited. I hope everything looks good and we’ll be on our way to IUI # 2 in just a couple of days.

Fight Like A Girl

While on my way home from work last week I heard a song on the radio that really spoke to me. It is a song of building confidence and never losing hope. A couple of lines really hit home – dealing with infertility is draining. It’s very hard not letting it take over your life and who you are as a person. The lyrics are “I'll hold my head high. I'll never let this define the light in my eyes. Love myself, give it hell I'll take on this world If I stand and be strong No, I'll never give up I will conquer with love And I'll fight Like a girl”

The song, Fight like a girl, is by a new country duo – Bombshel. I’ve added the video to this post with the song. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I do. I listen to it daily to remind myself that I am more than infertility. I will kick its ass. :)

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wwtl_vKWdVs